mind v body

Mentor: So you were reconciling yourself to staying put, and making the most of your relationship. Which brings us back to sex.

Man: Yes, sex and a snifter of guilt. I was confused, I suppose. I didn't think this relationship could possibly last, yet I sensed it was doing me good. The sex, well I don't want to dwell on the sex really, I don't want to hurt her. Not that the sex was bad mind you. 

Mentor: It's going to be hard to avoid the sex, considering. 

Man: Mmmm. Well, one of the good things about the sex was how appreciative she was, and how accommodating. Anyway it was all good for a while, but from the start I was aware that I was sustaining it by fantasy, and I was very uncomfortable about that. I couldn't very well raise the matter with her, and so I felt a dishonesty at the heart of things, and I knew that, or I felt that honesty was key to a successful relationship.

Mentor: Maybe it isn't.

Man: Yes, maybe it isn't. When I look back, I feel perhaps I've lost more than I've gained by the break-up of our relationship, even though we really weren't so compatible. I mean, I've lost many of the wider connections, and my ties with Zelda, who's my best and just about only friend now, are much more fraught. Not to mention the Eveline debacle. But the major reason Zelda is so important to me is that I'm reluctant to seek out other women, or other people. I simply don't socialize. Full stop.  

Mentor: That's a problem. What are you going to do about it, live in the past? 

Man: No, you're right, I should break out. Why am I telling you this whole sad sordid story - sordid, it's not even sordid. It's nothing. It's about a woman, a family, a sexy daughter with whom I became friendly at first, but who later started acting as if she hated me, while getting sexier and sexier. It's about how I found myself on the outer with the woman and her family, not so much because her family rejected me but because I felt uncomfortable about the whole scenario, and life was becoming a struggle and I'd lost what little sense of charisma I had. I don't so much live in the past as I live in theory, in fantasy, and in sly observance. I've always been a bit of a sly observer, but as you get older, and fattier and uglier, or not so much uglier but more middle-aged and worn-out and invisible to wannabe lovers, it gets harder to make your sly sensual observations more palatable to others. I'm advised to join a club, like the humanist society, or a political organisation or a philosophy group. That's probably a good idea - I've reached the time of life when my mind is sexier than my body. 

Mentor: Cycling, bushwalking, since you're so concerned about your physical condition. 

Man: Are you trying to turn me into something other than a theoretical libertine, at my age?

Mentor: Would you prefer to talk about theory?