introducing bonobos

Man: Well, maybe for the time being, yes. But I'll talk also about Eveline. Have you heard of bonobos?

Mentor: Yes, you know I have, but it's your narrative, tell me about them.

Man: They're perhaps an example to us, an example of the use of sex for enabling us to be less violent and aggressive. Bonobos are along with chimpanzees our closest living relatives, but bonobos display much less aggression than chimpanzees. They're also much more highly sexualised than chimps. To me, and I'm sure to the ethologists studying these animals, there's a strong connection between high levels of sexual expression and low levels of expressed aggression. I'm interested in looking at this further, and in looking at sex and aggression and their linkages in human society. For example, the sexual treatment of women in societies where women are given little autonomy. We know of all the extreme cases, where women are punished by their families for being raped, or from running away from a sadistic, usually much older husband. Or simply for being outspoken. But what about overall rates of male-to-female violence in countries like Saudi Arabia?

Mentor: I'm sure if you get in touch with the Al-Saud family, they'll release all the details to you forthwith.

Man: Yes, or perhaps if we look at all the violent hotspots in the world and check out the attitudes there to marriage, female autonomy, expressions of sexuality and the like. But all that sounds too much like hard work. Why not just go with the subjective impression that if you're getting it regularly you feel more at peace with the world. 

Mentor: So you must be feeling rather at odds with the world these days. 

Man: Maybe, but I certainly am used to it. I know that when I was getting it regularly, I felt more at peace, for a time. 

Mentor: Yet you threw it all away. 

Man: I suppose I was hoping to get closer to my ideal, and I had this view that it would be wrong of me to string Zelda along while I imagined myself with more ideal lovers. 

Mentor: The old she deserved better argument, eh? 

Man: There were other issues. I was crying out for more autonomy. Zelda was overwhelming me in various ways. Writing was important to me, ideas were important to me, and Zelda wasn't really into that sort of stuff, at bottom. She was bright, and just occasionally she could go deeper - I once had a thrilling conversation with her about physics and cosmology, though no doubt experts in the field would've scoffed. Generally, it wasn't enough. Of course I expected too much of her, didn't seek out others who would've satisfied those needs, but I think what really irked me was that she would switch off from listening to me, both privately and in public. She would say things that indicated she hadn't heard anything that I'd been enthusiastically explaining to her in the previous ten minutes. Maybe this is a typical married couple thing, I don't know, but I hated it.  Especially when, as often happened, she would ask someone in public about something that I'd often given her the answer to, and I would wonder if she ever listened to me, or if she just didn't trust or respect my opinions or claims to knowledge. I wondered what my purpose was - was I merely a trophy husband?